| Life. My Destiny. |
[26 Feb 2009|06:05am] |
I go to bed now
knowing that never, do I have to not be at peace with my Self.
I have Faith
in my heart, my Self, My Love, and my Life.
I trust
the answers will come to me,
I am on the right path.
I feel Destiny calling me
causing my heart to vibrate with excitement, anticipation, fear.
I know that I must embrace this Destiny
if ever I am to truly Live,
if ever I am to be Free.
I want to feel
I want to live
I want to love
I want to be
It is all within my Power
My mind. My heart. My body. My soul.
I open myself up completely
to this Love,
this Life,
this moment, always.
I embrace this Destiny
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| Writer's Block: Know by Heart |
[08 Feb 2009|03:31pm] |
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mood |
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 ecstatic |
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Yes. YES!!Nothing could've prepared me for what the actual lyrics were for Sean Paul's song 'Eye Deh a Mi Knee'! As currently, I am afraid I am incapable of such imagination! The lyrics being: "So we love how she fit inna the clothes with the fat piece of twingy twanga exposed" !!!!!
NOTHING makes me happier than hearing these words uttered! Hands down, best lyric EVER.
Btw.......and excuse my whiteness.... but WTF is twingy twanga, exactly??? OMGGGG =D =D =D heheheheh
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| Friction//I Breathe Fire |
[09 Dec 2008|05:19pm] |
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mood |
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 predatory |
] |
How will I choose to see you? Everything around me?
Will I decide to see you as playing an important role in my life?
Will I decide now is the time?
Will I decide to harness the incredible power I feel bubbling inside of me like molten lava - always threatening to erupt - tired of being bound by my incessant, self-fabricated limitations?
I breathe fire.
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| Shadow and Sunshine//Host and Prey |
[12 Nov 2008|01:10am] |
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I feel sad inside on a very deep, deep level.
There are parts of me still burried in such intense shadow and gloom. Parts that want to hold onto diseased thoughts and feelings, as a parasite holds onto its Host.
I am both Host and Prey to Sorrow and Defeat.
Sometimes I feel so full of pain.
Sometimes I feel so fucking empty.
The emptiness inside stings and pierces neverending, as if my heart has thorns growing outwards from within its very depths.
I need a release. A release called Freedom.
I want to bask in beautiful thoughts and Sunshine.
In this Life, this Moment - always.
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| =DDD |
[20 Mar 2008|11:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Groove is in the Heart - Dee-Lite |
] |
<3win
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| Sweeet Bayybayy |
[20 Mar 2008|01:38pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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Laughing. |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Fantasy - Mariah Carey W/ODB |
] |
Mariah: Whatchu gonna do when you get outta jail?
Puff: I'm gonna do a remix.
hahahahahahaha
[That IS Puff Daddy, isn't it? I can't find anything about him anywhere but LISTEN TO THAT VOICE!?! No one has a voice like that but him..!!]
Oh man O.D.B, my yummy stud muffin, you ARE super sexy!!!
I so wanted to make out with him and that mouth hahaha. HaWT.
(P.S. I still SO have a thing for braces!! And SO would still make out with him if he were still around......fffyes)
[Edit: HAHAHA I just realized there is a clown tied up, behind my man!!]
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| Yo yo well |
[20 Mar 2008|12:57pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
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music |
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Gimme the Light - Sean Paul w/ Busta Rhymes |
] |
Omgz Gimme the Light Remix with Busta Rhymes wtf!!
-> HUH! HUH! HUH! BUSTA BUS'NOW!! SEAN PAUL NOW!! REMIX!!!REMIX!!!REMIXX11!!! HAHAHAHAHA GODZYES
P.S. in the original version, when Sean Paul says 'yo yo well!', it TOTALLY sounds like he is saying 'GEORGE ORWELL!' hahah I hear it EVERY TIME! Sean Paul makes me SO HAPPY
REMIX!REMIX!!1
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| My eyes is sore -- being a senator!!!!! |
[20 Mar 2008|12:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Wynona's Big Brown Beaver - Primus |
] |
HAHA oh man I am so completely in Love with Ol' Dirty Bastard. I always have been. He is SO special!!! Haha.
P.S. Anyone who likes SEXY MUSIC - get Wynona's Big Brown Beaver by Primus AND Fisticuffs AND Camelback Cinema, ALSO by Primus (or just their 'Brown Album') - OMG THE MUSIC IS LIKE SEX IN MY EARS!!!
Plus I feel SO great!!! I went to bed just past 2AM and I was like 'oh man I am going to be SO tired' because I ate not very well last night and when that happens after I have been eating perfectly, it hurts in the morning, haha...sort of like drinking a keg of liquor. But anyways. I was like NO WAY AM *I* FEELING BAD THIS MORNING!!! I SO got up at 7:30 (due to sheer will power haha) and was whizzing around to keep me !!!! and I did some crunches and things and walked SUPER fast to the market and omggomg feel great!!
HOLY CRAP! I saw the most amazing thing ever while I was on my way home!! OMG I can't even believe it, still!
You know how, there is the sidewalk and then sometimes there is a strip of grass with like trees and stuff and then the road? OMG!!!!!!!! There were two guys riding huge grass mowers that had a grass mowey bit that split into two so that you could say..put the right side up vertically while you were mowing on the left..you know...for tight corners..I don't know haha, but there were TWO of these and they were going all out on this small strip of grass and dodging obstacles like trees and fire hydrants and small animals and it looked SO completely rediculous and was taking so long because the strip was not very large and but the machines were and it could probably be done in five minutes with a mower that you push..and here are these two guys driving around on this small strip of grass with trees on it...trying to maneuver their dual mowey bits...OMG IT WAS SOO FUNNY!!! I started to laugh SO hard. And I was walking towards them, and I could NOT stop laughing!!! And they stopped as I approached and I had this huge I-have-just-been-laughing-at-you grin on my face and one guy looks at me and is like 'right little devil arn' ya!!!' (I was wearing my devil hat) and I was like omggggg and had to walk away briskly and laughed some more.
Which brings me to: Notice how british people say the most RANDOM and unnecessary things ever?! Like what he said. Or '..h..Hey!...NICE HAT!!!' hahahhahah. Or 'Hey uhhh..Haloween's over!!!ha.ha.' Hehehe.Or 'YOUR HAIR IS PINK!!!!' HAHAHA omg. So funnyLoveLove.
And then I was nearing my home and an older lady walked by, and she must've not been wearing a bra because her booby was a flyin' round, and I TOTALLY looked at her elderly breast!!! Why is that??? You like CAN'T help it!!! If you were with someone and said while pointing, 'hey lookit-that-old-lady's-boob!!!' they TOTALLY WOULD!!! WE CAN'T HELP IT!!! Sometimes I am walking and then an old man appears and it is like 'OMG I TOTALLY JUST LOOKED AT THAT OLD GUY'S CROTCH WTF WHY??!!!*disturbed*'
Snacking is evil.
I have been making friends lately. Well I have been talking to loads more NEW people! I am building relationships, see. Anyways, I met this guy from near Manchester, so then 'from Manchester' and he is so funny!! PEOPLE FROM MANCHESTER ARE SOOOOOO FUNNY! Because they are like from MANCHESTER!! HAHAH. He seems pretty cool and I don't think he is one of those boys whose pants are too tight and make swooshy noises but he could be... Oh man but I started talking to him because he was wearing THE GLASSES!!
Anyways it turns out he owns a FLOOR LAYING business (he is my age, too, btw)! And I responded by saying 'haha you lay floors....' AND HE GOT IT!! Recently, I have been having trouble, see. And by trouble I mean meeting people who just do NOT get it!! And they are like '..huh..what..?'- I am wondering if there are just not many people out there like me? You know, those special kind of people? =) LIKE MICHELLE!!! I cannot find them no matter how hard I look!!! But he does seem to get it and that is way cool! He said that he doesn't like London because it is full of 'PONCYS' hahaha. I have ONLY ever heard Manchester-people say Poncey!! HAHA!! Anyways I said that I love Poncys - they make me laugh, thereby making me happy!!
And so we were talking and then he says to me "ure floors mite be fine but i cn get you laid if u want =) x" HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH OMGGGGGGGGG<3<3<3 LOLZZZI
I have, as of yet, deemed him worthy.
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| She is way cool - I know you think so. |
[15 Mar 2008|03:13pm] |
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mood |
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 impressed |
] |
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music |
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Cherry Bomb - The Runaways |
] |
How foxy is SHE!?!! You just can't get any sexier than that, I'm sorry, you just CAN'T!!! All my life people have been asking who my idols were but I've never had any. But now, if I had to choose omg <3<3<3
Perfection. And damn sexy mg. *IN LOVE* She is like fucking YAY!
More people should be free.
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| BONE |
[15 Mar 2008|12:34am] |
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mood |
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 horny |
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music |
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Born to be Bone!!!!!!!!!!!!mmmmg |
] |
Sugar might be making me horny.
Which, when I think about it, makes total sense.
Okay so I have had no sex drive for a very long time which is INSANE if you know me at all.
Lately I have been bingeing on high-sugar foods. And coincidentally, I am then all 'rrrreow *winkwinkhumpwink* to like EVERYONE!!!
And thinking about it, my sex drive seemed to have started disappearing when I started removing sugary foods from my diet, as I have always consumed just WAY too much of that and started to get some sort of diabetic thing goin on.
Why this link with sugar. WHY!! This addiction to sugar!! WHY!!!!???
Anyways.
Hi, all.
You know, I totally love Nicole Kidman. I just do.
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| Random stuff and best dream EVAR |
[11 Jan 2008|10:05pm] |
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mood |
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horny |
] |
I love Ellen because whenever I read something she's written, or watch something with her in it, etc, it completely turns my brain on and I can't stop thinking. I wonder if it's the same with others or if it's just me. It makes me wanna write and write and write, right away! And forever. I could've learned so much more in school if I had've watched Ellen beforehand. I'm so super in love with her. She makes me so happy, just because she exists. More people like her should exist and Be Love.
I joined a community recently but don't really know what to write. I also need to do something about my profile. And not having a job.
Oh man, I had the best dream, ever, literally. I really actually know for sure, that this is the BEST dream I have had, in my entire life of remembering dreams (which I do often). I had a full on raunchy super super sexy sexxx dream with Zac Effron in it! I totally had the best and most fulfilling sexy sex with him, but in my dream! Normally, it's just a sexy dream, but no real SEX in it. Or if there is sex, it's obscure and with someone you don't really dig. But omg serious!!! sex with Zac Effron! It was so good. And happened over and over and over and oddly enough, I woke up *SO* happy! And then the next day, = yesterday, I was in WH Smith and looking at Diving and Surfing magazines and then I saw a gay man magazine, but also with Zac Effron's name on the front. So I open it and there he is, in all his really wet sexiness, though no where near naked enough but still omg yes. .... And this was a serious coincidence, because I don't normally have sex dreams with him in (though I really would like to) and I don't ever even look in magazines, let alone see his omgsexiness in them. And I also don't often look in gay man magazines, so. And this was the DAY OF the morning when I awoke in *complete* bliss. I wish there was some way to purposely have kinky sex dreams with him in them, or to purposely have kinky sex with him in real life. Because all I'd have to know is that he wanted it, and I'd totally hand it over, immidiately. Right there!!! Wherever, hehe. Sigh. One day.
It's bed time.
*gives you love*
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[05 Jan 2008|03:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bouncy |
] |
FUCKING TINTIN OMG!!!
How unfair! It's playing in London but only until January 12!!!! I can't afford it and I want to be able to because I so wanna see it but cannot. =(
When I saw who was playing Tintin, I squeed for *SO* long. Just because. How can someone be that *CUTE*?!
eeee omg lookit his hair!! *DIES*
Meli will be able to appreciate this! And Michelle too? Maybe...? I don't really know if anyone, aside from myself, is enough of a dork to understand...b omg
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| From this morning. Crazy crazy dream... |
[31 Dec 2007|10:20am] |
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I had a dream with a man in it. He just stood there, in the middle of the street. In the world where things aren't what they seem, and people arne't alive. The world of the dead? People didn't really appear to be different.
Things changed when I got there.
Forever, people have had tasks that they had to perform. They just did them. They had to. It was the way. No one questioned why, or what would happen if they failed to do them. It was the task of two guys and mine, to hold three pars of the man's hair - one part each. It was very long hair, in tiny braids. He must of been standing there for a very long time. His hair was longer than he was. I liked his hair.
I decided, for whichever reason, that I was going to change this man's hair. I started twisting it around and around until it got further from the ground as I formed the braid into a spiral on the side of the man's head. It was the left side I did, and was finished when it was half up, and half free and braided. While I finished, I noticed that the guy holding his right part of hair, had gone! Then realized I was supposed to be holding the back part, so where had the guy gone that was to hold the part which I had just changed?!?
I started the part at the back, spiralling it, but not as much as the one I had just finished.
When done, I looked into the man's eyes. At first they seemed to be cold and hard. Distant. But I saw something else in them. I saw deep beauty and incredible warmth, and suspected that I was the only one who bothered to look into them long enough to find something more than what was revealed at first glance.
I loved this man. Looking into his eyes made me feel so very warm and comfortable, immidiately. Looking into this man's eyes made me feel love. I loved looking into his eyes. It was my favorite.
I was set a new task. I don't think that had ever occured before. I was given a rubber duck - to squeak. It would NOT squeak! I didn't know what to do! I asked David Arquette for quidance but even HE couldn't help!
While I was trying frantically to make it work, a package came for me. At first, I ignored it because I needed to make my duck squeak! But then had the feeling that I should open the package, so did, and it was another duck! But it was hard and made of glass with a slot to put coins in. I knew then that I had a new task. I was to abandon the unsqueakable duck and go around a designated area in the neighbourhood - the part with the big white houses with big white pillars in front, and collect anything I could, in order to help. I had to collect money from people. I questioned as to whether or not this was a good place to do so, but silently (we didn't have to talk in this world), and the man's energy told me that it was the correct place to start, and to have faith.
I realized that the packages were from him. I realized that everything would be ok, and would work out (the man's eyes told me this, as did the intoxicating energy that surrounded him). I realized that I had to collect money in order to plant trees - to save the world, and that the man was David Wolfe.
I am in a very good mood. A very warm and peaceful mood. From since before I woke up. I feel love.
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[29 Dec 2007|09:20pm] |
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mood |
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 peaceful |
] |
(Both of) my plans this Christmas went wickedly. There was no fighting among the adults (no fighting)!!!
Everyone seemed to really enjoy themselves. That was wicked. Oliver's mom fucked up his surprise though which seriously threatened to RUIN Christmas for me! I had conspired with her and Oliver's dad to get him a wii because secretly, though he tried to say he needed a backpack and clothes etc, it was all he wanted!! So they ordered it and it's coming here in a week. However, the day before christmas. THE DAY BEFORE!! She told him he was getting it!! Why would she not want her kid to be SUPER surprised on Christmas day, in the only way he could be, which is by getting something like a WII!! ? That angered me so severely because something came to the door a week before and it said that the bill for the wii was ... and he was like ....a wii... and I told him it was a mistake and his mom was looking and that she was going to sort it out!! And he believed me!!! And I conspired with his friends and they got him a numchuck as a controller would be too expensive for them, and I got him SUPER MARIO GALAXY!!! and he was supposed to find out ON CHRISTMAS. I'm so happy I didn't trust them enough to tell them all that (his parents). However, can you see why this was the end of the world? Everything was so intertwined! And a huge part of the surprise was SO TOTALLY RUINED!!! Roar. Anyways aside from that, people had fun. Kids tore the house apart. Adults had boring conversations and made themselves fat. You know.
That was plan one. Plan two was to not get a lot of presents. I told everyone to not get me anything, and if they wanted to give me something, then to give me money or otherwise not bother because I don't care. Except I didn't tell Charlotte and Grant that because I didn't know them. And I also forgot to tell Nicolene and she and the other people totally got me things that you get someone when you don't know what they like so you just get them SOMETHING, and I HATE those kinds of presents. I hate presents, actually. I'd rather someone not even bother, I hate when Christmas is about getting things so I didn't want it to be and so it wasn't. I've had Christmases when you don't get enough and you get bummed because of it. But I'm different now. And I want to rid my life of as much useless crap as possible. So I didn't want people to waste their money on things I'd be tempted to throw out in the future.
I really really loved watching everyone open their presents and be happy. I love when people are happy. And I was happy because I didn't have a bunch of presents to open!
However my mom did get me something, because she had already sent stuff before I could tell her not to.
My mom got me a pharoh version of rummy, which you know, is cool I must admit, but still something I could've done without, see? Though I will play it and now I have something to play with Oliver, though it's no Scrabble. (I don't have Scrabble and refuse to buy it because there aren't proper ones around that I can afford that don't have a board that can be ripped! - My brother had a cool one that the pieces fit in and stayed there).
She also got me a book by Ellen Degeneres WHO I SO DEEPLY LOVE. So that's ok eventhough it was probably some seriously impulse buy and completely on sale because I have so much love for that woman. She IS love! She's like the only person I'd trust with my babies!
I love that she didn't give me chocolates or something like that which she normally does. I don't eat cooked chocolate. And I'm a vegan and people still give me milk chocolate!! But anyways.
OLIVER! Was the only one who was allowed to buy me something, hehe. And he won. He got me a long, sexy sea bluegreen (dark aquamarine?) extra sticky yoga mat!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It IS LOVE!! I have been so dispirited while on my journey, unable to stretch properly because of no mat. I couldn't do my favorite pose! It was the cause of much regression which was annoying and unfavourable. But now I win! I couldn't use it during my stay with his peeps, as there is no room and it's dirty there and clouds my chi. But this morning (we got back last night) I totally stretched and it was awesome.
He also got me -> THE HIGHSCHOOL MUSICAL CD FUCKING YES!!!!!!!!!! But then I listened to The Start of Something New and was sad because I was recalling the scene and how they cheesily realized they were having a good time and I wanted to see them act badly!!! I do wantwantwant that dvd but only the one with just the movie, I don't want that other crap. BUT HIGHSCHOOL MUSICAL OMG YES! That movie makes me *SO* excrutiatingly+joyously happy!
And he got me a longer handled bottle brush so that I could actually clean my 1.5 litre bottle properly (long-handled bottle brushes don't exist in the UK, I have so far concluded). He got it off EBAY.
He wins three times. And his parents gave me money. And that is all and I told my dad to not bother giving me christmas money this year because he probably can't afford it and I don't need it so he was probably happy to receive that news. I hate retrieving wired money. I realized too late though that I could've gotten him to put it in my canadian bank account as I still have a savings account with money in it. But oh wells. Next time.
So there. That's why I win. People had a great holiday and I didn't get a lot of bad presents. YAY.
I want to delve further into what this holiday is for me. This year, I made sure it wasn't about me getting lots of things and I didn't and it made me feel SOSO good. Next year I am hoping to master the fact that I totally don't want it to be about an unhealthy attitude towards food, excuses and justifications. That is my goal. I suspect I can practice with March Break. There is no way I'm celebrating Easter. Though Paul was astonishingly thoughtful and said to his kids that they'll have to make us a raw chocolate egg! Aw.
I would like the focus of all holidays to be focused around love.
I feel the need to listen to HSM over and over again!!
Was your holiday filled with love?
LOVE YOU
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[22 Dec 2007|01:21am] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
] |
I'm so super excited!! I got something totally amazazing for Oliver for xmas but I can't say what it is, hehe. He is going to be !!!!!!!!!! tho. AND he's getting some other amazing things because I made sure people knew what he wanted and I conspired with them and he is going to be so !!!!!!
I can't wait to see his reaction! RARG!
I feel so great.
I need to go to bed because I need to wake up super early so that I can make Oliver a sexy tropical smoothie for breakfast so that he won't be late for work and he will have something yum for breakfast. I will put nectarine and lychee and pineapple and banana in it and it will be great.
And then I will finish my workout before 11 30 am. REALLY! But first need to groom myself and eat raw cacao etc. I tried to work out without eating it, hoping I'd be fine but noooo. Omg I passed out immidiately after. Unfair. So I have to make sure I consume a good amount of iron beforehand.
I didn't get to make raw chocolates, so I will tomorrow when Oliver gets back from work.
LOVE!
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[09 Dec 2007|10:25am] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
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My temporary contract at work is nearly over. The last day is the 17th. It's like I feel closer and closer to freedom! I'm so sick of seeing their stupid faces. I've applied to where Oliver works, which is a kennel near Heathrow Airport. He works the weekend, And I've applied for the work week.
It looks as if this Christmas could potentially be pretty wicked. Normally, Oliver would be staying at his dad's and his mom would be there also, and the three of them would, on Christmas morning after opening eachother's presents, go to Oliver's sister's place where there are a million kids and then would be there for the day and have dinner there also. That, to me, isn't Christmas. Normally, I don't celebrate Christmas. I'm not religious, and it is a religious holiday, which non-religious people leech off of in order to be greedy, for the most part. The name of it should at least be different. It really is disrespectful, I feel. I thought though, that this year, I would do something for Oliver's nieces and nephews because no one actually asks them what they want. And if I'm going to bother to celebrate this holiday, though it half makes me feel icky, I'm at least going to have loads of fun, because otherwise what's the point? SO. I threw the idea out there, that it could be really awesome if Oliver and his mom and dad and I, stay over at his sister's the night before Christmas. Oliver and I, along with the kids, will be sleeping in the living room in sleeping bags!! And that way, we can wake up on Christmas morning, together, and be really loud and insane, which is what christmas should be for kids, really. I sort of want to create an atmosphere where the excitement builds and builds until it just makes everyone go INSANE! And where going to deck the house out, and there'll be a tree, and because there will be so many of us, there will be SO many presents and I think it's going to be really funny to see the kids driving the adults crazy because of it. Also Oliver's half-brother from South Africa, plus his family, and moving here and will be here on Tuesday actually, and we're meeting them at the airport! And he has three kids so that's five more people to be at Nico's for Christmas! OMG it's going to literally, be insane! It's not even a very big house hehe. There will be NO room. I can't wait! I haven't looked forward to Christmas like this in a while. Oliver's dad's paying for Oliver and I to train to New Mills as we can't afford it.
All the plans have been warily okayed by Nico but I think that she might have a heart attack just worrying about all the things that could go wrong, because she does that. Paul, her husband, CAN'T WAIT!!! (He's basically one of the kids..)
I'm going to take pictures of it all, and send them to my dad and Bonnie for their birthdays, which are in January. Bonnie keeps bothering me about pictures but I don't take any, really. Not of ones with me in them.. and that's what she wants.
I thought though, that it'd be a good thing, for everyone to be together. I can't ever do that with my family because we all hate eachother and there's still a war brewing between my mom, my dad and his gf whcih has lasted since my parents split, when I was 9! Which is unfortunate because I'd love it if people could just not be so fucked up and angry and selfish and jealous/insecure and stupid and just LOVE! And have FUN, LIVING!!
But anyways. It's really that waking up together thing that's the important part. I don't know if any of you get that. It's just not the same, without it. I feel really bad for the kids, because they hadn't seen Oliver in so long as he was in Canada for a year, and before then is normally at University in London, and so when we got here from that year in Canada, we only had a week in New Mills before he had to go back to school and he only got to see the kids twice. On the day we got back, and the day before we left. And his dad was such a cock and was our ride back home (they live in a different town) and only let us stay for 20 minutes and kept impatiently rushing us! WTF. I was SO mad because I think that kids are the most important. You just don't do that kinda shit. Anyways so this is for them because we only have five days there, and then he has to be back for his job. And this is why, I felt it was important to do something for the kids. And to forget about the adults and their always wanting to ruin fun! Which they will try, still, I know. They just can't be trusted!!!
Let me asure you, I like giving people things more than getting them, though ideally I prefer to be neutral. I'm really weird about it, actually and I know I've gotten that from my dad. But when people buy me things I feel so icky and like I'm in their debt or something. And anyways the presents are normally crap and a waste in several ways and so just not worth the effort, and money spent, etc. I've told Oliver's family to not get me anything because they keep asking. So I said either don't buy me anything, or give me money. However, when I was talking to Alison, Martin's mom, she told me that SHE'S GIVING ME HER DIGITAL CAMERA FOR CHRISTMAS BECAUSE SHE BOUGHT A NEW ONE!!!!!!!! I have to wait (even if I were in New Mills she'd make me wait...!!!) but still, this will be my first, ever, digital camera. I don't even care how crap it could possibly be (I've never seen it) - the important thing is that SHE'S GIVING ME HER CAMERA AND THAT IS AWESOME AND PROBABLY WILL BE THE BEST PRESENT THIS YEAR!! As she actually took the time to think about me and wonder if I wanted it! Which most people don't normally do, when buying presents for people. They just sort of buy things. Useless. I know what I'm going to give her for Christmas already. I've known for a while and she's going to love it!! Because we're down like that.
END
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[20 Nov 2007|11:59pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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I feel soooo great. I just did loads of exercises when I didn't really plan to.
Lately, I've tried to hop on the eliptical trainer regularly, though realistically, I've only done it like 5 times and those times were roughly one five mins. session, two ten mins. and two 15 mins. sessions, though all on the highest setting, which is 8. .. ?
Today I surprised myself by being in SUCH a good mood, that I felt the need to continue until I equalled my highest, and then beat all my other ones, so that I did a half hour on the eliptical trainer, on the hardest setting (I refuse to EVER change it), which worked out to 7.7 km but when I used to do it, I would do 14 km in 45 mins on the middle setting. Which means that SORT OF, I've done more than ever before, stregth-wise, and it's only my 6th time as opposed to when I did it ALL the time! This, is so very exciting. I feel very accomplished! My goal is to do 45 mins - 14 km, on the highest setting. Though not all the time. I like to keep my workouts to a point where I don't always feel like I'm dying, and instead really enjoy them, as I'm not working out to lose weight, so much as to feel GREAT!
Which is how I feel! AND my arms are the strongest EVER! And that makes me happy. See I don't care about being fat or thin. I want to FEEL strong and able. Also, I'm the most flexible EVER, also!! Though not by much because I'm normally really flexible anyways. More so than anyone I know, which makes me ---> HAPPY!
Raw cacao also makes me ---> HAPPY!
To think that I ate it just before I left for work today, was inexplicably superburstingexcited ALLDAY for NO reason! And enjoyed my time at work rearranging paint!! Came home in the rain! And still felt GREAT! I think that's pretty good, personally. And it only took a few minutes for my breathing to regulate after that half hour of very hard work, because my lungs are getting stronger and that is something that makes me FEEL great. And something I've ALWAYS wanted, as for my whole childhood, I had bad asthma and was told I'd always SUFFER from it! HA!
Another goal, though, is for my heart to keep growing stronger, which is why I tend to (naturally) exercise like a maniac, though I know it's not always good. I was born with a hole in my heart and for sooo long my heart was just crap but regardless of what the doctor's said when I was younger, it's sooo much stronger, I can feel it, and that's very important to me. I love that. It makes me warm and fuzzy with happiness!!!
I've just eaten the rest of my cacao (left over from this morning) and so now I will superstretch and get ready for bed, as I feel it very rapidly approaching. Like a train in the distance.
Tomorrow is movie night, though Oliver and I are doing it alone (almost like a real date!) and we're seeing BEOWOLF!!!!!OMGYES
Just.
Words could not express my utter delight and excitement which stems from this! !!!!!!
!!!!4
How is Angelina so ULTRA sexy in that magnificent/mysterious/deadly sort of way!?? I am so in love with her <3 <3 <3 13 years and going strong!!!
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| HAPPY NOVEMBER THE FIRST!!!! |
[01 Nov 2007|10:55pm] |
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Going into work tomorrow. Still very stressful.
Tomorrow I'm going to lift weights and then stretch myself out completely.
My life totally revolves around chocolate, it seems.
Or just food!
Last night, I made a warmed drink, using nut milk I made, and then Maca and raw cacao+vanilla and agave nectar. It was all yummy and steamy and I made it again this morning for breakfast hehe.
Tomorrow, instead of cacao, I'll have hemp, as, apparently, I shouldn't 'abuse it'!!
After dinner (which was yuck, and a waste of eating) Oliver made frozen 'yogurt' except it was just two cups of strawberries, two of bananas (both of which I froze a couple of days ago) + half a cup of fresh mango and put it in the food processor and it was sooooo good. I love fruit. It is the best. !!
Tomorrow, with my hemp, I will make a smoothie with the rest of the mango + some dried bluebesrries I've been soaking AND I'm secretly soaking some nuts for Oliver so he can make nut butter tomorrow, as I know he's been wanting to and I am amazazing!
Apparently fruit loses up to 50% of it's vitamin c content when it touches metal? As does cacao, plus its psychoactive chemicals are tampered with/deminished! Scandal. I want a big pestle and mortar so I can crush my cacao beans to lovey bits! AND THEN EAT THEM!!!
I tried to stretch just now, and relax, which was silly and just did NOT happen. Still I have to go to bed, though. It's better than being awake and stressing about work tomorrow. And then I can wake up earlier and lift weights. I know, my life is SO fun!!
Later, after work, Oliver and I are going to Tomtom's for a movie night!!! Which was totally my idea because I'm Grrreat! I was saying how we should bring What Planet Are You From? (last night), and then today in the CO-OP (I never go in the co-op), I happened to look in a random direction, and there was that movie, just looking at me, to be purchased for next to nothing!! It's not like I see that movie everywhere, all the time, or even think of it regularly..or at all! and that people actually know what that is here... I LOVE how things just HAPPEN!!!
Hopefully, me keeping my job past my eight week contract will also 'just happen'..
Also I was talking to Tian on FaceBook and she was like 'hey would you like to come to Thailand with me?' !! Um yeah I'll just go and find money I totally don't have, to randomly go travelling! That would be SO nice! If only!
I want to want to. However, I need money for other things, like food and such, which I can't afford anyways, at the MO! Hehe. Sigh.
#I wish Melissa was here, I have SO much seriously silly energy to expend!!!!! And because I can't, it threatens to turn into anxiety and depression! EVIL.
My mom messaged me on FB (I know, I'm THAT cool, yeah) and the vet said she owed $X and my mom apparently turned around and bent over and had her super holey pants on and pretty much said 'do I seem the type that has THAT much, on hand!!!<>? I'll need to pay you half now, half later, or I'll be walking around like this for the rest of the month...!!" .............wtf oh man. MOM wtf. Only her, only her....she did get away with it, though.
Anyways BLAHBLAHBLAH BED/LOVE
~Take that as you will~
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[23 Oct 2007|08:17pm] |
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Just got back from work. Which went better than the before-work period of time.
Yesterday I learned that one only receives pants from the company as part of the uniform, if they're permanent, not temp/seasonal. So today before work was the only time I had, to find a pair of work-appropriate pants and I HATE shopping for clothes!! HATE IT! And what I hate more, is shopping for the really ugly, badly shaped/tailored clothing that is deemed work-appropriate. And I have short legs and everything is like two feet longer than them! And it got to the point where I was crying hysterically, while trying pants on in a frenzy and the people in the store were all '...!!!...???' and I was having a serious breakdown of insane frustration because EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKING UGLY IN STORES AND WHY IS IT THAT I HAVE TO WASTE MONEY TO LOOK AWFUL AND FEEL LIKE SHIT, WHILE WORKING, like working isn't bad enough AND I was already stressed out about that to begin with and THEN I had to go to work feeling the way I felt and it sucked.
But somehow work cheered me up!! And in the end, I went in New Look or something, and found a pretty sexy pair of pants, as far as work pants go (though I already got a pair of really ugly pants too that Oliver returned for me while I was working) so it all turned out ok, eventhough my last trip nearly made me late and I had to run into work and then forgot that I had to sign in!! But the assistant manager (who I LOVE!! and is Scottish) told me not to get so worried about it and showed me how to properly and was very nice and I hopehopehope that she picked me to work on Sunday kuz you get paid double but it's a secret who gets chosen until they have to be told...!!
And I applied to work over my contracted number of hours, after closing, to get paid more, as I need money to live and only work 16 hours a week which isn't enough, really.
I know this is all very interesting to you.
Met two/three cool people other than LeslieAnn, one I work with and am her 'buddy' and she shows me what to do and I cling to her, basically. And this guy Ian who's insane and way hot and flirty and I likes him! He's great. But I can't believe anything he says because he's so full of crap! Hehe.
Oliver made me dinner because it involved lots of preparation and was a raw recipe and used zucchini instead of noodles and the sauce was also a raw recipe (pasta sauce made from 'scratch!!!') and it was soooooooo tasty wtf. Though cold....but I don't mind eating it cold because I'd often do that anyways with other food because that's just how it's done at my dad's. But yeah this was really tasty and I love it because now I have an idea of how to make pasta sauce, really yummily, and don't need to get it from jars from the store which is the only thing unfresh, really, that I bought!! And now I don't need to! Isn't that awesome!!
Anyways. I have to pee and my hands are cold from typing. Giving a holla to Margaret who feels my life is so interesting that she just needs to read my journal eventhough she dislikes me. HOLLA!
LOVE!
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monsieur_sponge's journal
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